Understanding Sexual Frustration and What You Can Do to Get Over It

Sexual frustration

Sexual frustration is a common problem that sadly doesn't get enough attention. Most of us know what it is but very few of us are willing to take steps to understand and solve the issue.

Before we start, let's be clear that sexual frustration is normal and is not linked to one's gender, relationship status, or sexuality. It occurs when you aren't physically satisfied or happy with your sexual life. This can be a very problematic situation as sexual frustration can lead to serious issues including emotional trauma and aggressive reactions without any justifications.

People try a variety of things to get over sexual frustration. This includes masturbation, which might offer a short-term solution but cannot be a real answer to the question. Still, it is important to understand how to deal with sexual frustration so you can make things right.

Understanding Sexual Frustration

Understanding Sexual Frustration

Sexual frustration can be defined as an imbalance between one's sexual needs and fulfillment. Not getting what one needs (sexually) results in frustration and discomfort. It's natural and more common among people with a healthy sex drive, however, experts believe that everyone goes through this stage at some point in their life.

It might sound very simple on paper but sexual frustration can be quite complicated to understand. Those who suffer from it don't always realize it. They are often agitated, irritated, and depressed without realizing the main cause of it.

Those who suffer from sexual frustration can also be a little difficult to deal with. This is why they end up having arguments not just with their partner but with others as well.

What Causes Sexual Frustration?

Sexual Frustration

It might sound like a simple problem – not getting what you want. But in reality, sexual frustration is more complicated than that. It also stems from not understanding what you truly want.

Some people keep their desires hidden. They do not clearly communicate it and some decline to accept who they truly are, which results in frustration. Understanding the main cause of your sexual frustration is the first step to solving it.

Sit down and answer these questions:

  • Are you having enough sex?
  • Do you enjoy sex a certain way but you're not getting it?
  • Is there no emotional connection involved?
  • Are you not interested in things your partner makes or asks you to do?

No two people are the same and your sex drive could be higher than your partner's. This could be due to a variety of reasons including stress levels, life events such as changing jobs, and even medical issues.

Sex is still a taboo topic in some societies and it's believed that men are sex-starved and women are not always interested. This, however, is far from the truth as women want it as much as men. This is why both men and women report sexual frustration.

Not getting it when you want it or how frequently you want it can have a very negative impact on your mental and physical health. Moreover, sex has to be enjoyed as well. We all have sexual fantasies. Some enjoy it mild, some want it raw, and some have unique fetishes.

Experts believe that porn and movies have corrupted us as sex is not as exciting or thrilling as we see in the movies. High expectations can cause one to feel sexually frustrated as they don't always feel the same thrill as they see in the movies. This can result in a mix of feelings including not just bitterness and resentment but also shame and guilt. Eventually, it could impact one's quality of life.

A good thing about sexual frustration is that it's often temporary. However, some people can fight with it for months and years with no way out. Remember that sexual frustration isn't only about a lack of sex. It's also about a lack of exciting sex. The reason may change from person to person and both partners may be frustrated at the same time for different reasons.

Sexual Frustration Symptoms: How to Identify It

Sexual Frustration Symptoms

Sexual frustration is not always easy to identify and some of us brush it off calling it hormonal changes and stress. The truth is that sexual frustration can result in both stress and hormonal changes, which makes sexual frustration symptoms even harder to pinpoint.

Think about the word ‘frustration', it's linked to failure. We feel frustrated when we do not get what we want, especially when we see no way out and we have nobody else to blame. Frustration is often a result of people not being able to find a solution to their problems.

We get frustrated at everyday things. Students get frustrated when they're not able to solve an algebra equation, employees get frustrated when they can't get the code right. Similarly, couples or individuals get frustrated when they can't get what they want from their sex life and they have no idea how to make things right.

Here are some of the main symptoms of sexual frustration:

  • Negative thinking
  • Insomnia
  • Restlessness
  • Frequently fantasizing about others
  • Body tension
  • Mood swings

Sexually frustrated individuals often vent it out on others. This is why they may end up being lonely as they can't mingle with others due to their mood swings.

If you have these signs and you do find yourself thinking about sex and not getting it then you might be sexually frustrated. Thoughts related to sex including a lack of it and its frequency indicate sexual frustration.

At times, people know they're sexually frustrated but they find it hard to digest it. They don't always know how to accept the fact that they're not satisfied. Some even don't know whom to blame and end up feeling guilty.

It is not very uncommon for sexually frustrated individuals to think they are at fault. They may assume their wishes or fantasies are too inappropriate or wild. Some are too shy to let their partners know how raunchy they'd like to be. Some even have ‘unique' ideas that they're embarrassed about.

Some women and men, for example, enjoy roleplaying more than they enjoy intercourse. However, they're not always able to confess due to fears. If you are sexually frustrated, then you will always know it deep down. Just accept the fact and find ways to deal with sexual frustration.

Dealing with Sexual Frustration: Things to Try

Dealing with Sexual Frustration

Now that we have covered sexual frustration symptoms, it is time to provide some tips on dealing with sexual frustration. It is not a disease and there's no medicine to treat the problem. Doctors, however, may suggest you take some medicines to reduce symptoms such as stress or solve the cause of your sexual frustration.

Remember that the right solution largely depends on the cause. Dealing with sexual frustration can be hard if you don't understand your sexual frustration symptoms. For example, if you're frustrated due to a lack of opportunity then it could be due to you being in a long-distance relationship, online dating, or single. In such a situation, a solution would be to move closer to your loved one or find other opportunities to have sex, based on your circumstances.

You have to be very careful when you look for sex, especially if you are in a relationship. It is important that you talk to your partner if you're frustrated. Merely talking could solve a lot of problems. Don't expect your partner to understand things on their own. It's your duty to let them know you're unhappy but make sure to construct your sentences carefully.

Make sure to not sound offensive. Instead, make your partner understand your needs. If you are too far from each other, then plan to meet more often. Also, remember that your partner may have some issues with you as well, so make sure to keep an open ear and listen to what they have to say.

Don't be too surprised if they turn out to be sexually frustrated as well. They might have similar feelings so talk to each other and sort things out. Sometimes, it's as easy as this.

On the other hand, the situation can be very different if you're frustrated due to a lack of desire or interest from your partner. Again, talking can help but if your partner is not very happy with you, then things could turn hostile in no time. In such situations, turning to porn or masturbating can also help but it isn't a long-term answer. It will only solve your issue for the time being and you will eventually get back to feeling the same way.

Bad sex due to medical issues can also be a major concern. Diagnosing the problem and solving it can take a while and it is not always possible to stay patient during this time period. You should find a solution and talk to experts. Therapy and medicines can help. Find the root cause of your issue and work on it. Taking your partner into confidence can be an important step.

Therapy can prove to be very beneficial as it allows people to look at things from different perspectives. You should be open to the idea of speaking about your issues. Honesty is very important.

Working with a professional can help you understand exactly what's causing your frustration. Plus, it can also help you gauge how your partner truly feels. A professional can help you rekindle your relationship and reconnect with your partner.

It is possible to rebuild lost intimacy but remember that it will take some time and effort. Things will not go back to normal right away. Also, it might not only be your partner's fault. You could be wrong as well so be willing to change.

Here are a few things you can try to reduce sexual frustration:

  • Get rid of pent-up energy by being active and doing some exercise.
  • Turn to meditation as it can help you find peace.
  • Don't write off masturbation altogether as it can be a great way to ease some tension but make sure to not count on it too much.
  • Try new things with your partner and pay attention to their preferences as well.
  • Use music to excite your senses and calm your emotions.
  • Don't just think about sex and take part in other activities as well such as cooking and playing music.

Try these things and you may see a positive change in your frustration levels.

How Long Will It Take to Get Rid of Sexual Frustration?

There's no simple answer to this question but we must warn you that things can take a while to get okay. Also, sometimes the solution may not be obvious. For example, if your partner is not happy with you or does not want to be with you, then it might not be a good idea to try to mend things because they will not work out.

The same goes for situations where there is a medical issue that cannot be treated. Erectile dysfunction, for example, may not always be treatable. If it's causing you sexual dissatisfaction, then the solution might be to find another partner.

All in all, sexual satisfaction is a common problem that can be cured if you look in the right direction. Talk to your partner, find love in the right places, and seek professional help.

Last update: 04/16/2022