Red Flags That Could Mean Trouble When Dating a Divorced Dad

Are You Ready to Date a Man with a Child?

When you are dating someone, you believe your partner should devote you enough time and give you a lot of support. It's true if you date a single man who doesn't have ex-wives and kids. But dating a divorced dad can be different. Some women complain about this relationship with rare meetings and the lack of romantic attention.

Sometimes your expectation to date a handsome single guy when you were in your 20s seems to be almost impossible as you enter your 30s since most people already married at this age.

After several break ups some women think that they should broaden their preferences and start dating men who have ex-wives and several kids. It's not always bad since you can really meet an awesome man who will love you and who will do everything for you (and for his children, of course).

However, there are indeed a few things that you should know about single dads who had the bitter experiences and went through a painful divorce.

We will tell you about red flags you can face when dating a divorced man with kids.

Story #1: 'I Ignored the Red Flags, and Here's What Happened…'

Let's listen to Amanda who has a sad experience with such relationship: I met John when I was going through breakup with my ex who turned out to be an abuser, so I was looking for some affection and romance on the Internet. First John seemed the perfect partner. He showered me with expensive gifts and my room was full of flowers that he sent me almost every day. Despite his courteous behavior he told a little about himself but I wasn't really worry. Over time I started being anxious since we met very rarely and mostly chatted online. After several months of our relationship he dump me by text. He just wrote he tired and he still loves his ex-wife and he can't live without his little son.

Red Flags and How to Handle Them

Let's talk about red flags that you can notice when dating someone and give you some tips about coping with them.

Red Flag #1: He's Not Legally Divorced Yet

If you dream about the official marriage, better date men who are free of their ex wives. The problem is it's hard to check if a man is divorced or married still. Clear up your boundaries and rules at the beginning of the communication and let him know you are interested in single guys only. If your relationship is open enough and your both are honest, show your papers to each other (you can do it in a funny way as a joke).

We wouldn't recommend you to date a man who isn't legally divorced. Even if he tells you he has nothing to do with his wife, it's not like that. More likely they still have sex and romantic feelings.

Red Flag #2: No Clear Boundaries with His Ex

Your partner is officially divorced but he visits his ex almost every weekend helping her with hanging curtains and brining her oranges when she is sick. Are you happy about it? If not, better clear up your boundaries and ask your loved one to set up the boundaries with his ex-partner. Use this instruction:

• Let your partner know you are upset and you would like to spend more time with him.
• Offer some interesting activities for your romantic dates.
• Ask him to help with something from time to time, so he could choose the priorities.
• If your partner has children, he probably can't stop seeing them. Make a compromise and discuss the days he will spend with his kids and the days you can be together.

Red Flag #3: Emotional Baggage and Unprocessed Trauma

If your partner has an emotional baggage and still ruminate their previous relationship, it can ruin your connection and make your unsatisfied and disappointed. These signs show you definitely have problems in a relationship:

• Your partner often tells you funny or sad stories about his ex.
• He has lots of photos of his wife on his smartphone.
• He compares you with his ex (for example, he could say she cooks better than you do).
• He says he is ready for something serious but in fact you both barely see each other and your partner seems cold and restrained.
• You noticed he is chatting with his ex-wife.

Bear in mind: your lover can say negative things about his ex but in fact negative emotions and insulting mean he is still very offended and emotionally involved in those relationships.

Red Flag #4: He Introduces You to His Kids Too Soon

Sometimes men are quite cold towards their children but sometimes kids are everything for a man. To understand if you can get along well with his kids your partner introduces you to his son or daughter after several dates. But a serious relationship should develop slowly and you both should move step by step getting know each other better.

If you feel uncomfortable when being introduced to his kids, tell your partner about it and offer him to hold his horses a little. You can say you would like to spend more time with him and to make some preparations for meeting his kids.

Red Flag #5: He Expects You to Be a Replacement Mother

Some men who move too fast want to have just a woman who will take care of their kids. They don't care about your feelings, so it's necessary to understand if your partner is interested in you as a loved woman. Set up clear boundaries if you aren't ready to check his kids' homework or to cook school lunches for them. You can use some delicate phrases that will help you to save a relationship and to avoid the mother role:

• 'Sorry, but I don't have any experience about raising children and I think you can handle it better'.
• 'Let's do it together, I would like you to help me with your kid'.
• 'I don't want to be a mother right now, and I'm interested in more romance'.

Remember that you don't have to communicate with his kids but your partner also has every right to build a serious relationship where you all could be a family.

Yellow Flags: Warning Signs That Need Attention

We all aren't perfect and sometimes some signs about your new man could be suspicious but it doesn't mean you must finish a relationship right now. Let's give you some yellow flags that should make you be more cautious.

• He doesn't tell you about his kids at the beginning of a relationship. Some men are afraid of being rejected because of their children. If he doesn't tell anything the first several weeks, it's ok, in this case you can ask him about kids frankly.
• He doesn't set up clear rules about co-parenting. If you are dating someone who has children, seeing them spending more and more time with them might make you feel uneasy and left out. In this case ask your partner to discuss with his ex about co-parenting duties so you could spend more time together.
• He talks about his kids all the time. It's touching to see these loving fathers but one day you can get tired of his stories about school lessons and child diseases. Offer your partner other topics for the conversations and let him be a good listener. You can tell him about your working day or hobbies and if he supports you, he deserves to be your partner.

Story #2: 'How I Noticed the Red Flags in Time and Saved Myself'

Maria: 'I met Max in a dating app and he wrote me in the first message he is divorced, he has a little son and would like to meet a woman for a serious relationship. I liked he isn't afraid of being married again and since he seemed a very nice person, we started seeing each other. He was very cute and affectionate but over time I noticed I don't get any physical real support, beautiful words only. He made expensive presents to his son but on my birthday, I got only one rose from him and nothing more. I understood I can't put up with this situation and I discussed with Max this problem. Of course, I'm not that materialistic, but I told him I would like to get more attention and I like flowers and other surprises. It seemed to me Max was surprised but he answered he is used to more practical behavior. He asked me to say what I want and he will give it to me and this way we managed to solve this problem. Now I just tell him if I want a new perfume or something and he buys it to me without any doubts. It's something new for me but I believe I can handle it and it doesn't affect on our relationship and love'.

Reality Check: Are You Ready for the Challenges?

If you meet someone who has kids, you should be ready for some challenges. We will give you a list of them so you could understand if you manage to cope with them:

• Financial problems. It's ok if your man is rich enough but if not, you will have to split his budget with his kids.
• The lack of the time. Be ready your partner will spend lots of time with his kid. A good side of this problem is you will know he is a caring and loving father.
• Some conflicts with his ex. They can split the property and some divorces are lasting for months and even years.
• The emotional baggage. People after divorce may think their life is ruined and they lost the best person in the world. Your partner may be involved in his past relationship.
• Your conflicts and misunderstandings with his children. Sometimes it's very hard to break the ice, especially if kids idealize their mother and don't want their father to have other women. It's especially common when you have a deal with teenagers.

If you are ready for these challenges, you can start dating someone with kids and if you both are ready for compromises, you can build something serious with this person.

What to Do If You Want to Try but Have Doubts?

It's fine to have doubts when you start dating a new person. To increase your chances for a happy relationship with a divorced man we prepared some recommendations for you:

• Check his social media and other sources of the information to understand if he tells you truth or false. Don't start a relationship if he lies.
• If you want to have your own children, discuss it with your new partner. Some men with kids don't want to have more, it could be an obstacle for your future.
• Clear up your boundaries and ask your partner not to rush with meeting his kids if you aren't ready yet.
• Don't make him choose between you and his kids. Let him know you are ready to give him enough space and you will try to get along well with his kids over time and to make them the part of your family.
• If you have children too, don't show him they are more important for you than his kids. All family member should be equal.
• When you get to know your partner better, you can participate in some family discussions and making decisions. Remember you have every right on it.
• Let your man know you are a priority for him. His ex-wife shouldn't be mentioned during your romantic dates.
• Sometimes kids don't mind to meet a new family member, especially when they are little. If you want to become a part of this family, try to spend more time with them and organize some games and activities. At the same time don't try to shower them with luxury gifts, it won't make you a substitute to their mother. Be yourself and ask your loved one to help you if necessary.

Conclusion: When to Stay and When to Walk Away

Listen to your heart but also use some logic and rational arguments when starting a relationship with a man who has kids. Sometimes it's worth to try if your new friend is caring and affectionate, when he values your rules and your needs and when he doesn't hide anything from you. Even if you have challenges, you both will overcome them. But if a man lies, he isn't legally divorced and still live with his ex, if your desires are nothing for him, these are obvious red flags. In this case better find someone more respectful and supportive for a serious relationship.